An Open Letter to My Neighbors Whose Lawn Chairs are on Their Roof this Morning

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Dear Neighbors Whose Lawn Chairs are on Their Roof this Morning:

            I write you for a couple of reasons. The first is a congratulations on a party well done. Despite the fact that your roof slopes at a dangerous angle and the number of empty beer cans littering your property leads me to believe your coordination skills were subpar, watching the fireworks from atop your house was an ingenious idea. The thrill of being so high (perhaps in more ways than one) coupled with the colorful light show in the sky must have made for quite the experience.

            I can only imagine the fun of being chocolate wasted on a warm summer night on a rooftop with some of my closest friends. The alcohol consumption and the company would’ve been fun enough. The fireworks, a bonus. But bravo to the mastermind behind the rickety fold-up chairs on top of your half of the duplex. I know it was a slamming party, and I can only wish I’d have been a part of it.

Which brings me to my next reason for writing you: Why the heck didn’t you invite me? I’ve only been living here since you moved in, and as a young, cute college girl, I see no reason for being left out of the fun. I know we haven’t exactly become “friends” since you moved into the neighborhood, but frankly, I think this late-night fiesta would’ve been the perfect opportunity to do so. Especially because in your intoxication, your inhibitions would’ve been significantly lowered, and I would’ve seemed to be the perfect companion. One of you may have even tried to kiss me. Or challenge me to a dance-off. We can never know for sure.

            So congrats on the party. Glad you had a good time. But just so you know, next time I throw a big drunken fireworks-watching-on-my-house gala, you are not on the guest list. And for the record, all the old people in the neighborhood think you guys are idiots.

                                    - Britney

Glam Metal Band or Roller-Derby Nickname?

-       Wild Cherry

-       Iron Maiden

-       Iron Butterfly

-       Maiden Hell

-       Wrathchild

-       Acid Reign

-       Twisted Sister

-       Lizzy Borden

-       Eva Destruction

-       Britny Fox

-       Brix Hithouse

-       Wolf Blitzher

-       Faster Pussycat

-       Chrissy Steele

-       Zombie Stardust

-       Vixen

-       Ecko

-       Wuthering Frights

-       Madam X

-       Whistler Smother

-       Stryper

-       Roxy Blue

Back to the Future

I time warped the other night. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. I didn't even have the flux capacitor, so I'm still trying to figure out just how this phenomenon occurred.

Here's what happened:

I was standing at The Auricle, waiting for the band, Paper Route, to go on. It had been a good night so far, and I was excited for Paper Route's set. My phone had been gradually dying throughout the night, so I'd turned it off. I decided to pull it out of my pocket to check the time though. So I turned it on, and much to my surprise, the screen read "8:02 pm, Sat., January 5th, 1980".

I stared at the screen for a moment in disbelief. How could this be? I didn't feel the time warp, and the scene didn't even seem to have changed. I realized before I did anything else I needed to document this. So I tried to take a clear picture of the screen of my phone. This is the closest I could come:

After a while, I looked at the screen again and the time and date had returned to normal. I'd time warped back. All I have figured out thus far is that my cell phone's battery dying must have caused something that resulted in my time travel. I have yet to figure out how this works, but I have begun my research.

In the meantime, I have some shopping to do. I think it's about time for me to cross "Buy a DeLorean" off of my bucket list.

Your Love is Water

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Your love is water; it clears us of this deed.

Your blood stains white and makes me clean.

The water is red, and rushes over me,

Letting me drown in You.

Though just a drop on my tongue

Can quench this unquenchable thirst

And erase this despicable sin.

Jean and Jeremiah cry, “What have I done?”

“Was habe ich gemacht?”

The harsh sound of reality becomes familiar,

Rushing in my ears,

But replaced by Your love.

As you breathe your fragrance on me,

The breath of life anew

Enters into my soul, fresh and blue,

My body no longer a vessel for sin,

Hell-bound and heavy,

Now buoyant in Your spring.

But the look in the glims is still dead;

I’m still sunk.

The eyes are still murky and they never will clear,

Not for thousands of tears

That you brush off my cheeks.

I will stand at the baggage claim gripping my guilt

With white knuckles

And never let go.

With my gun to my head,

Chicago lightning,

The blame is fired at me,

And You can’t put it out.

It’s much harder to forgive yourself.

The Britannica is sinking.

That girl, she is fragile.

It’s in you she should let herself drown.

Your love is water and it whispers to me,

If I breathe in, my lungs will be full

With the life-giving liquid

That will open my heart and my eyes to forgiveness,

To You.

To live underwater, forever,

A shipwreck accepted by He who is strong,

Gives me peace like a river

And grace like an ocean.

Your love washes over me, making me new.

My love, touch your chest.

Feel the rhythm inside

As your Juliet sings for you.

Though she’s far, mon cherie,

All her love beats within

As she prays that you dream of her too.

My love, close your eyes.

Hear her whisper so soft

As her lips brush against your ear.

Feel her breath, mi amor.

Juliet prays for this

Kind of peace every day you aren’t here.

My love, Romeo.

Do you hear the girl’s song?

Do you shiver with every sweet note?

Do you dream as she dreams?
Do you pray as she prays?
Do you share all your Juliet’s hopes?

My love, oh, my love.

Touch your chest, close your eyes.

Hear her whisper, and feel her soft breath.

My love, times are hard,

And your Juliet’s far,

But I pray that her love gives you rest.

Apathy

Apathy leads to an ebony-
colored abyss,
where you miss
all the passion you had.
Now you're sad,
but your heart's given up,
and you're down on your luck,
and the fire that once burned is dead.

Apathy equals a misery
you couldn't fight
if you tried,
so you don't even bother
to conjure
up strength to get up,
and you're weak and you're stuck,
having skies of grey serve as your weather
forever.

But you don't really care.

God, I can hear you. Your voice is quite loud enough.
But I'm just not ready to let go.
I've claimed my title as a ruthless pharaoh,
And you can give me all you've got, but there's nothing I don't know.

I've seen it all before. Every heaven-sent plague
With their black and bloody shock.
I'm in control, I can handle this fine.
I'll wring out the blood, and wipe my hands on my smock.

Then take a step back and look at your work.
There are shivers through my spine.
But I put on a jacket and ignore it every time.
The plagues may be yours, but the prisoners are mine.

I'm one of them you know. Trapped here in myself.
I've created this nightmare for me.
I don't need salvation, I did this on my own.
Your children need saving, so go set them free.

I'm hit with your missiles, and I grip my staff firmly.
I think I can do this alone.
My teeth are clenched tightly and I breathe through my nose.
My tears flood my cheeks and I match your children's groans.

It didn't used to be like this.
It really didn't, though that's hard to believe.
I'm trying to get back to the old world, the light world,
But darkness wasn't just your doing.

Do I get on my knees now? Release all control?
Do I let go, and let myself fall?
Does your grace truly extend to all?
Even miserable wretches that put up a wall?

I can't. I just can't. I've been trying so long,
But I think it is just too late.
Part the waters, set them free, but forget about me.
I'm a sinner. I'll accept my fate.

It didn't used to be like this.
I wasn't always this way.
I used to more frequently pray.
I used to be happier and healthier than today.

I turned into what you see, over time.
I became what I am. I'm not proud.
I can't turn time, though my magicians have tried.
It's not in bloody water I have drowned.

It is me.

Your Love is Strong.

Sometimes life is too much to handle. It surrounds you, making you feel claustrophobic, asphyxiated.
Its presence envelops you, and disables you from thinking clearly, or releasing your thoughts in a coherent manner. So you hold in your emotions until they leak out through your eyes, or sometimes through your throat in guttural screams of frustration.

Life is, as Marty McFly would say, heavy. It sits on you, right on your chest, making your heart and lungs work harder than they should, and making it difficult to move because of the extra weight. It pushes you down continually, and the second you feel the load lighten, it comes at you again with another shove.

Humans are weak, brittle things. That's why even taking one step forward is so hard with life clinging on to you like it does. We can barely hold ourselves up as it is, so when life climbs up for a ride, it's all we can do to walk. We often have to resort to a crawl, because our legs just won't hold the weight. And occasionally someone else's life decides to join in. At this point, we become almost helpless. We try desperately to be strong enough to carry them both, but it's just too hard. It's just too heavy. Our frail bodies can't do it.

So sometimes when life gets too heavy, we just lie down and take in shallow breaths, our eyes closed, our arms at our sides. And we just lie there. Not moving, barely breathing.
Praying for someone stronger to come along and take some of the weight. Or better yet, pick us up, life and all, and carry us. We feel a little selfish wishing for that. It's not fair for someone else to take on our weight and all that we're carrying. It will be so heavy. It may not even be possible. Our feeble imaginations can not even begin to hope that we can find someone that strong. It would be too incredible.
But sometimes, that's all we want.

It's all we need.

Try

I don't want to be one of those bloggers that's just complainy all the time. But I also want to be an honest blogger.

I don't like the word "try". It isn't synonymous with "succeed". It's also not synonymous with "fail", which is good, I suppose, but all that really means is that "try" is a fuzzy word. In the present tense, it is unclear. In the future tense, it is unclear.
And in the past tense, I find it to often be negative.

I don't like when people say "You tried your best." Because that simply means, "You went for it - and failed." I don't like when people start out a story by saying that someone tried to do something, either. For example, "My daughter tried out for the volleyball team last week." That is so open. There's a 50/50 chance that the following sentence will be "And she didn't make it." Or, "I tried starting a band in high school." What do you think will follow that? "And it worked out and now I'm in a Grammy-winning rock band that brings in tons of money and huge crowds, spreads our message, and is currently on our fifth world tour."? That's highly unlikely. What's more likely is: "That never happened though. That's why I'm working this crappy part-time job while I try to finish school."

I also don't like "try" in the present tense. When you ask someone if they'll hang out with you tomorrow, and they say "I'll try," that often means they're busy, or they don't really want to, and they just didn't want to say no. Or, "I'm trying to write this paper." That means, "I'm not writing this paper, I just have the book open and a blank Word document on my screen with my name at the top."

I use the word all the time. It's a very common word. And I've never put too much thought into it, but upon reviewing the word, I realize it just isn't one that I'm very fond of.

I guess, I'm just tired of trying. It's not a bad thing to try - it's good in fact. Risk-taking is good. Dream-chasing is good. Going for it is good. Failing just hurts.

This isn't really a conclusive post, I'm aware, it's just a thought that decided to run through my mind currently. So, I figured I'd put into words what I was thinking - or at least, I'd try.