I have a confession to make. I don't know what I'm doing. I have absolutely no idea. But I'm extraordinarily skilled in the art of putting up a front. I like to pretend I have things together and am carefree. But I am falling apart at the seams quite honestly. I stumble through life, hoping I make a couple good decisions in the midst of all the bad ones, and pretty frequently disappoint myself.
If someone asks me how I'm doing, or what's been going on in my life, I'll tell them. Definitely. I'm a pretty honest person. But there is a difference between honesty and vulnerability.
That's the discrepancy that most people ignore. I can be honest with you without letting my guard down. I've mastered that in fact. True vulnerability is really, really tough. It's something I think is incredibly important, but I can't seem to get a firm grasp on it. And it really causes me a lot of problems. My friendships are shallower than I'd like them to be, my music is less real, my conversations hold less value, and my insides are more cluttered and dark and heavy than I think I'm really capable of handling.
My last blog post was a challenge to the reader and myself regarding faith. This one is also a challenge. One regarding vulnerability. If you look up the definition of vulnerability, it seems negative. It means "susceptibility to attack or injury; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended". However, when it comes to people, I think that might be just the thing we need. We are all such a mess, how can we judge our neighbors for their imperfections? Perhaps if we allow ourselves to be weak, or susceptible to injury, our relationships will be strengthened, and our friends and family can help us and understand us better. Perhaps if we gain strength in our relationships with people, we will also gain strength in our relationship with God.
Vulnerability. It's the condition of being weak. However, I think that my lack of vulnerability might just be my greatest weakness.
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